Thursday again, the office beckons to me but I am reluctant to board the train. Another day putting up with the routine, I just can’t do it today. I need an escape, a treat, something out of the ordinary.
The basic story of my life is boring, even to me, but I will tell it here. Read it with the intention of a happy ending, for that has always been my goal, living life to the fullest. The fire of desires, wishes, dreams, all have influenced my life, even to the point of my own final descent into the ordinary. It has been interesting, even lovely at times, but not the extraordinary life I thought I would have. Probably all young imaginations have visions of their futures, always positive. I know for certain I did.
Young and innocent as we all start out, I thought I would take a leap, step out of my circumstances, not that they were troubling or terrible, but I wanted something different. It is only now that I realize I may have been happier in the end if I stayed in that life. Others I know well are perfectly satisfied there. I had other goals, and I found it was easier than I thought to accomplish them. Most of them.
All goals and dreams in life come with circumstances, regrets, failures, even for the ones who chose to be with you at the time. That is the most disappointing part, that I took them with me, regrettable, but true. I am sure they had their own goals and dreams, but that wasn’t my priority, and precisely how two people ended up, in part, in a tragedy. That was a long time ago, in actuality a few years, but in my mind, much longer.
The real art of life is looking forward with a realistic but positive view. If I had been truly honest with myself at a young age, my life might have been different. I now have gifts I would never have received on my own and I will be forever grateful for them. Looking back, I have achieved and been rewarded many times. Perhaps I should be happier. I need to look up instead of back.
It is an art, surviving the routine, the mundane office work, trying not to give in to the stress of it. It is well practiced by most of us, relinquishing to “the norm”. Only an exceptional few break out of it.
I have decided, I’m not going in today. I’m getting on the train, but I’m not choosing a destination. I’ll keep riding until I spy an interesting stop. Divulging my thoughts to you has opened a new avenue for me. I am on my own now, I owe nothing to anyone any longer. Dare I say I feel free now that I’ve confessed my frailties? Yes, I do.