Category: Bladder cancer

The feeling’s still there, that’s the problem. He can’t let her image just fade away. His waking moments he distracts himself with mind numbing paperwork. Any lower level temp could do it. Walking to lunch his eyes glanced around to see if maybe she was watching. They often met for lunch at the cafe. The waitresses knew they liked to sit in that corner by the fire. All the mundane tasks of the office would melt away as soon as she entered. Sometimes they never ate anything at all, just held hands over coffee.  

Of course he didn’t see her. The last time they met she said goodbye. He walked in and sat at their table, ordered his usual fare, and stared at the fire. Where could she be now, what is she doing? Does she miss me as much? Why can’t I move on, forget? Her face filled his vision. He could almost feel her presence, smell her perfume, hear her voice saying words of love.  

He covered his eyes, bowing his head. “I can’t take this anymore”. He rose up so quickly, the coffee cup toppled and the brown liquid covered the table. He paid no attention, and left the cafe. His eyes filled with tears, his face hot, he was having difficulty breathing. “I….can’t”. He bypassed the office entry, started running to the safety of his car.  

He slumped into the seat. Where could he go? Her face, her memory, was everywhere. How could she have left him? The silent questions filled his head. He started driving with no destination in mind. He couldn’t go home, his family might be there. If he knew where she was, he would go there, beg her to take him back.

He found himself near the bridge. “All I have to do is make a hard turn”. His thoughts frightened him. He picked up speed, no one else on the old bridge, and jerked the wheel.

https://rugby843.wordpress.com

I love my grandkids as you can tell

However, sometimes there’s a certain smell.

They all play sports in all kinds of weather

But soccer in the summer in shoes of leather?

All that running and sweating and underarms

Can cause your nose to set off alarms.

Powerful rub-ons, or even strong sprays

Can’t save your nose on those hot days.

The odor you’d think, came from an old dungeon

That tang, that perspiration, so very pungent!

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pungent/

Thanks again Danny!  Dream Big Dream Often

Here is my site: https://rugby843.wordpress.com. One of my first posts, Accepting Change, and my last, Does love Conquer all, pretty much sums me up. Hope to see and read you, soon!

Does love conquer all?  I always thought it did.  That was before 47 years of marriage to my complete opposite personality.  There was the initial fall into love at first sight, being young and a believer in Prince Charming since I was old enough to read fairy tales.  Cinderella was my favorite Golden Book.  That should pretty much explain it.  I didn’t expect the knight on the white horse in Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty, but close.

Having mentioned before that my partner was an engineer should explain things a bit.  He was math and science and I was art and literature.  And never the twain shall meet…but we did, and jumped in with both feet.  As I think back to the beginning, part of the disillusionment began when a New England girl married and moved to a strange foreign country…..Houston, Texas; just about the opposite of Vermont where she grew up.

Love prevailed.  We moved into a one bedroom apartment close enough to his office that he could come home for lunch.  I loved this because I was never unprepared, or had unkempt hair or clothes.  I wanted everything perfect and it was.  I even dared to swim in the apartment pool, a completely new experience – I was scared of the drain!  Sounds silly now,  but I had only been swimming in brooks, rivers and lakes.

I was used to hanging wash on the line.  There was one provided in the apartment parking lot.  I learned that hot, humid weather, plus pollution, was not conducive to dry, fresh, clean smelling laundry.  I also learned to socialize after the husbands came home from work.  A nightly occurrence was frozen daiquiris by the pool.  Wives did all the “regular” things you’ve read about.  Clean house, raise children, swap recipes, watch soap operas, and get together on nights their husbands played poker, golfed, or went bowling.

That was the life of the sixties, far removed from the downtown civil rights movement.  Our husbands were safe from the Vietnam war, most being scientists or some other profession that was needed here at home.  We were naive and I think most were happy to be.

The in-between years were spent in Colorado, thankful to be out of Texas to school our children.  We lived in the typical suburban town near Denver, with all that implies.  At that time our kids were safe to sneak out at night to play kick-the-can or some other mischief.  We all survived with a few bumps, but it was a good life.  When our youngest went to college we had to move back to TX.  That’s when love did not conquer all.  We were unraveled, missing the ties of our children.  Nothing new, it happens frequently, but it surprised us both.

So, forty five years later, three grown children who had their own ups and downs are all happy with wonderful partners themselves.  Fifteen days before our 47th anniversary, my husband chose to forego another operation and get off his medicine.  He had been in the hospital for exactly one month.  He was suffering and I don’t blame him for his choice.  I couldn’t be with him, and that is guilt I will live with till I die myself.  These are things that haunt you in the middle of the night when you can’t get comfortable enough to sleep.

So, does love conquer all?  I don’t think so.  We can hope for it, try to make it happen, but have to concede life is.  It just is.  We can plan, and I’m sure the “gods” laugh at that.  God, fate, gods, whatever you believe in……Believe in yourself, and love as much as you can.  Maybe love will conquer in your part of the world.

He let her argument go unchallenged.

http://nicolaauckland.com/2016/11/26/sometimes-stellar-storyteller-six-word-story-challenge-58/

He was anxious, depressed, having waited

So long for her answer and contemplated

Did she decide it was him she hated?

Then his desires would never be sated.

 
Was that the phone he heard ring?

His heart leapt at the thought.

His pocket still held the thing.

That’s the way he was taught.

All the stories, the romance of books

To ask the big question, wait for her look

He read you should ask, then wait

If she said yes, you could set a date.

But the phone was silent and still

Should have shown her the ring

Before asking if she will

Some people do, it’s the current thing.

He started fretting, walking, then pacing

She can’t just ignore me

He thought, his heart racing.

Even if no, could it possibly be.

His attraction for her was mistaken

Maybe she wasn’t the love of his life

The question, the ring he had taken

All this in his mind, causing much strife.

His question for her was still pending

Call me, he begged, his torture not ending.

He’s in a quandary, could it be true?

And finally, at last, she answers ” I do”.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/sated

I have no idea if this qualifies as an oddball photo, but thought it was peculiar looking, so took a pic with my phone. Bet you’ll guess what it is! 😉😄

http://ceenphotography.com/2016/11/25/cees-odd-ball-photo-challenge-2016-week-47/

Stream of Consciousness Saturday/Pretty

I don’t usually write and not edit as I go along. Probably because it saves time. It does interrupt your thoughts, and I can see the value of it. So here goes.   
Pretty and beautiful are two completely different things. Also good looking, and handsome. A man can be all of these things, but women don’t prefer handsome. However I think it is a compliment that was used by men years ago to describe a good looking woman. Your outward appearance still rules the day. Everyone is so hurried they can’t take the time to discover inner beauty. Can’t or won’t. I try to see the beauty through a person’s eyes. They seem to tell the story of a complete person right there. I love the mischievous twinkle, the wink, the challenging stare. All show different personalities. Pretty is of course the way I would describe my children and grandchildren, and extended family as well. My daughter has always been pretty, still is at forty-five. My granddaughters are also beautiful, all very different in looks and personality. Most resemble one or both parents. Even the boys can be pretty. I remember thinking how pretty the young actor was that played Loki as a boy in the movie “Thor”. Again the eyes drew me. I used to have a Pinterest site where one section was named “the eyes have it”. It was all pictures of different people or animals’ eyes. Pretty is what you see on the outside. A perfectly beautiful peach may be dry and tasteless on the inside. Choose wisely.

https://rugby843.wordpress.com

                                                                 
Dating someone from a complete different background can be exciting, awkward, surprising, or a disaster. The casual picnic, dinner at a nice restaurant, or seeing the latest movie, all pretty safe and normal. Sightseeing, museums, all acceptable places to get to know someone. Walking and talking about everything is a winner if you are truly interested. Going dancing is also fun, but in a country atmosphere, dances usually include some square dancing. I bet your imagination right now is picturing cowboys and cowgirls swirling around with hats, boots, big rodeo-won belt buckles, and ladies with tight waisted, colorful dresses with multiple petticoats that swayed and flared.  

While I was dating we joined friends one evening at a country dance. My companion that night had never done any square dancing, but our friends helped him keep up and we laughed a lot. Then came the Virginia Reel. It’s a lot of fun and fairly easy, just repeats the movements up and down a double line. It does last a long time, and was one of the last dances.

I had already seen my date at his worst, building a dock on the lake. I never knew a person could sweat that much. It was as if he had an unlimited supply of liquid that just kept pouring out of his face and body. As the Reel progressed I saw the same reaction on him. When ever we touched again during the dance, he looked as if he was about to expire. His face was red and parts of his shirt were wet. He gave me this look like “Help me”! Among all this chaotic activity, I saw a brief look of panic on his face. Instead of enjoying it, he felt out of place. This man who was a successful athlete in most sports, was confused and awkward in this dance.  We did survive, but it still makes me laugh thinking of it.



http://allaboutwriting.net/2016/11/24/chaotic-the-daily-post/

I just ran into a photo today that personifies anticipation. I hadn’t seen the Prompt yet, so had to hunt it down again. At Christmastime in our home we usually opened one present on Christmas Eve, then in the morning the kids would have their stocking time.  

When we moved from TX to CO we had the privilege of seeing our grandchildren’s excitement for every gift. I need to add that I realize how lucky we were to have multiple presents. All the kids, one by one, would open a gift while everyone else watched ooing and awing. Or laughing, it was really fun. Usually there was a dedicated Santa to hand them out from under the tree, sometimes the oldest child.  It took a lot of patience for the littlest ones, but they seemed satisfied to see the reaction on each face. The little lady in the picture below was only two years old, but adored her twelve year old sister so much she sat by her quietly waiting her turn.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/anticipation/