The bridge I’ll tell you about is an imaginary one. I was trying to decide if I would continue a relationship. It was not long after finding I had cancer again. I was holding on to everything, afraid to let go, whether it be a person, family, or lifestyle. Necessary changes were being made but I was desperate for something familiar. My life was no longer my own. Biding my time in recovery, I turned to my iPad for distraction, and met someone. Not really met in the ordinary sense of the word, but we became fast friends. He made me laugh, a great remedy for anxiety.
My health was my priority. That sneaky ever-present cancer, slithers into your mind, and builds a nest for itself. Even after you pass the “five-year-you’re-cured” time, the fear remains, and this was my second time. This is the mindset of a victim.
As our relationship grew, I was confiding more. Growing dependent on our talks, I was able to reveal my worries to this perfect stranger. I don’t know why it was easier to reveal personal thoughts to an unknown, but for me, it was. His life was not perfect either, so we made good sounding boards for each other.
What exactly happened I may write about later, but the relationship became strained. Maybe our problems were getting to us. The very long distance made it impossible to meet in person. Was I in love; how could I be? Maybe this closeness and attention was pity, and the guilt loomed over me. Was I living a fantasy? We talked about the situation, if we should just let go. It felt like I was on a bridge with broken, missing boards, afraid to cross. What if I fell? Should I make that leap? His reply was all it took. “I’ll catch you”.
The Bag Lady 
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