I never thought I would actually make the trip. Traveling was always difficult. I was skeptical at first, if I would have the strength to complete my “mission”. The line was long and tiring for the planes, the ride itself was almost overwhelming, but I needed to do it. I had waited too long to see him.
I was prepared to surprise him; I was unprepared for his surprise. The taxi was waiting at the curb for any weary traveler, and as the driver helped me in the car, I realized how tired I really was. He put my small bag near me and drove me to the hotel.
The accommodations were modest. I was not a tourist in the sense I needed everything perfect for my stay. I was not planning on staying long, or interested in the scenery. I had one goal in mind, that was all.
I slept a little. I was anxious to see him. I dressed carefully, because it would be the first time we would see each other, in the flesh. I smiled to myself thinking it would be wonderful and finally fulfilling to feel his skin, have him close. I felt butterflies inside, almost giddy. I looked in the mirror one more time. Age had taken its toll, but he knew that and seemed fine with it.
The taxi left me about a block away per my instructions, and I slowly took in what were his every day surroundings. The higher bushes concealed my presence and I paused to see his home and garden. As I stepped nearer, I heard laughter, mumbling, then giggles. Apparently the residents were having a secretive conversation.
I pushed some vines to the side and observed two apparent lovers, sitting together in their garden. Openly smiling, laughing, and touching. I felt sick. I thought I might faint. I steadied myself on the near small tree, keeping myself hidden as I tried to regain my composure. Tears of disappointment pushed through my anger. My face felt hot and it was hard to see. My heart was completely broken in a second of truth.
I turned and walked as quickly as I could manage, retracing my steps to where the driver let me out of his cab. I contacted him again and it was only a few moments until he arrived. Inside the hotel room I thought I would never be able to stop crying. It was all foolishness after all. The sudden realization of my age, and the ridiculous dreams I weaved in my mind kept flashing like a neon sign. I let my love for him trick my brain into thinking this was real. I packed my bag. I was going home sooner than I expected. Before I left the room, I took the small device I thought held dreams to be fulfilled, and threw it in the trash. My mission was over.