He had been shifted around a bit. It wasn’t his actual fault, possibly his original parents fault? No one will ever truly know the real cause of this boy’s problems. He was “given away” when less than one year of age.
A family of perhaps well-doers decided to take the boy for their own, as they had previously decided with a few other children. Their original intention may have been under a certain fantasy that their home was a more desirable choice than a future without relatives. This might be one of the reasons for the boy’s current behavior, the lack of true love for an unwanted child.
These “parents” took in different lonely children in their time, had family portraits decorating their home, showing how large and supposedly adoring they were. Mementos all to be seen by the surrounding friends and neighborhood as the perfect family. Children came and went, seemingly unnoticed by the state officials as to their rubber band type of parenting. Instead of investigating the false love provided by this couple, they continued to place children with them.
This particular boy of the story was one of these unfortunate victims. The word victims used because at these tender ages, consistency and unconditional love is paramount in maintaining a stable environment. When the caring of this boy became difficult, the adults decided he was no longer welcome in their home. They asked the state to take him back. This was their usual behavior, and the lack of personnel or investigation or other circumstances caused the officials not to recognize this repeated behavior.
The same “loving adopting parents” had rejected a boy who was already placed in a new home. However as soon as it was family portrait time of year, he was yanked back into the original ” loving adopted family” — another rubber band for them. He was a teenager then and finally received a happy ending a few years later with his estranged biological mother. That was a completed cycle that ended up with the best conclusion for him. In the interim after his rejection by the above mentioned family, he was placed in a truly loving home, the new home.
The new home, being a welcoming, loving environment, was asked by the state to take the rejected four year old also, having already taken in the rejected teenager. They did, and it seemed everything would be fine. After two years, the what I refer to now as the fake family, wanted the now six year old back. Since he had not been officially adopted, the new family had no choice, but let him return. It seems incredible, but at the age of eight they gave him up again, this time for good. So two years on and off, this boy has been accepted, rejected, accepted and yet rejected again.
The new home, with an actual loving family, was asked by the state to consider taking the now eight year old back permanently. The other children in the family said yes, and he was adopted by them. They were not taking a chance he would be bounced around again.
You would like to think this was the happy ending for our first boy, taken in at less than a year old, finally finding the family he unknowingly wanted and deserved. But this is not a fairytale, and there is no magic potion that guarantees undying love and devotion for the downtrodden, unwanted, common children of this world. The story unfolds with no such pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. This boy is the example of, I believe, his original environment. The loving teachers at school, the understanding principal, the therapists, doctors, even special outside activities, all these helpers and concerned individuals he was lucky enough to encounter, did not change his behavior. Disciplinary action was actually enjoyed by him because it afforded him “individual attention” when he could try to make them believe his lies and receive sympathy.
Now, the result of this inefficient, incompetent, and unprofessional group of albeit overworked, underpaid state employees is a ten year old boy who is so mentally disturbed, he is unfit to remain in the new home. Being harmful in actual actions and mentally challenging to the infrastructure of their home, it was proved impossible. Unconditional love works for some of these damaged souls, but not all.
The government systems that allow the previous story to go unchecked results in their “products” being mishandled and mentally damaged. Often, all the therapists, doctors, and medicines cannot change them and they end up not being able to live in regular society. Their minds contain no mercy, no compassion, and are incapable of loving their fellow man. Institutions are full of these individuals, unable to exist in the real world, some because of early trauma. Some behavior may be inherited from original parents and their behavior, genes, whatever you wish to name it.
This boy will not be able to lead a normal life. At present he is secretive, devious, mean spirited, untrustworthy, dangerous, hurtful, and incapable of loving anything or anyone. Is this because of his first years and his environment? All of these facts will remain unclear, but the results are sad and disheartening. Adoption is a wonderful concept and the proof is out there. The stories you usually see are like this one, and serve to remind us of the problems of adoption.
Behavior and discipline in public should not always be judged by appearances, just like everything else, this quote applies, from “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee.
“If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it”. Atticus Finch.
Of course, his statement is the ideal. For some, life is not ideal.