Not bad, he thought to himself as he pushed his stomach in on his profile. I just have to remember to take a breath when no one’s looking. He turned this way and that, examining his outfit. Boots polished nicely, vest freshly pressed. Impeccable white starched shirt buttoned to the collar and topped off with a black string tie of the latest fashion.
Jack was now ready to entice young ladies at the dance. He hoped the younger ones would take a liking to him since he didn’t have much luck with the older regular attendees. His reputation for being a “Wham bam, thank you Ma’am” guy had been on the lips of many. It never seemed to stop him, though. His idea of a date left most women wanting. . .for everything.
Smoothing his dyed black hair back with a bit more Royal Crown hairdressing pomade, Jack thought his look complete. It was at this last moment he spied something on his face. What was that? A moustache? He didn’t have a moustache! He looked closer. He felt his face and sure enough, there was something there! He peered into the mirror even closer. Surely his eyes were deceiving him. Jack thought of himself as impressively groomed and didn’t care for facial hair. He again fingered the bit of hair on his upper lip, and it seemed to be growing quickly. What matter of trick is this, he thought?
The trick was on Jack. He couldn’t help himself fingering the new addition over and over. A perfectly greased black curled “Snidely Whiplash” moustache was permanently fixed to his face from that moment on. It served as a warning of sorts to any unsuspecting young women he might take an interest in.