Working it out

I admit it, a few times I thought, “is this some plot of the universe to make me think of every mistake or wrong thing I’ve done in my life? I grew up with strict parents and there was always some thing or someone to blame if something was wrong, and punishment.

I’m certainly no paradigm of virtue, which is a phrase used by some for people like. . .well I don’t know, maybe Mother Theresa? What is virtue anyway? Can any human being live up to the word virtue and lead an ordinary life? These are questions for people like me who love the human race and constantly wonder why people do what they do. I know. . .weird.

Days when I struggle to get on or off my bed because my mobility sucks, I think of all the years I exercised, ate healthy and tried my best not to end up with my mom’s heart problems. My heart is in great shape, btw. And then I do blame something, curse them, and it’s the surgeon who failed me by saying he could fix my back, no problem. With two surgeries in a month’s time because he failed the first one, then also screwed up the second, I’m now in a wheelchair. I have days when the air is blue because I just spent five minutes trying to pick up something off the floor I dropped.

But I also have days like today, when a grandchild’s good morning snapchat makes me smile and feel loved unconditionally, or someone’s blog makes me laugh or I look out and see a beautiful sunset. We all have these minutes, hours and days, but it’s trying to keep focusing on the positive that helps. Instead of thinking there’s someone or some thing to blame, I need to be thankful for what IS.


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