“Good afternoon Calavaras County Fair visitors! It’s going to be a blustery day for those of you in the pie throwing competition. Long tentacles of dangerous withershins will make those feathery meringue confections fly right up to that blue sky ceiling! Good grief, I can imagine how the contestants will scurry around trying to carefully aim their delicious delights toward the targets!
And for those of you wondering about the homemade herbal tea competition yesterday, there was a slight brouhaha involved when it was discovered that dried shoes on a hot car engine was the secret ingredient to Miss Jones’ winning recipe.
Now let’s all settle in for the culinary contest of the day.”