Response to Beckie’s Addiction

This is my effort to establish a warning about a certain drug. I’ve written about this before in a post, Let’s Talk About Drugs, but can’t find it, so here we go again. The drug I was addicted to for fourteen years was Fentanyl. It was prescribed after the second failed back surgery in a months time, in1999. Started as a small 25mcg patch, applied about once a week. At the time I was also on other drugs for pain, and over the years the patch was increased in strength and size to 150mcg every other day. Needless to say, I was addicted, also using small handfuls of Advil and Hydrocodone. As the pain increased, my ability to walk also deteriorated. I started using a cane, then a walker and as of six years ago, a wheelchair. Even with all this poison I put into my body, I couldn’t get pain relief. I was ruining my kidneys, on 24 hour oxygen, and overweight. My legs were swollen and painful.

This is a warning, yes. Constant pain can drive you insane, but the Fentanyl can also change your personality and deteriorate your health. Even taking all of these meds, I still was not pain free. I couldn’t sleep, but was exhausted. When the laws changed in TX and CO, the rules for obtaining the patch were strict. I needed a pain clinic doctor besides my regular physician, a signed prescription in triplicate form, and only allowed so many for a month. Understandable, but if one fell off in the shower etc., I couldn’t get another. The addiction caused many horrible side effects if I couldn’t get another patch for a few days. My body would get uncontrollable, legs flailing, or sometimes freezing up unable to move them, resulting in trips to the emergency room. I can remember the first time I went I couldn’t get out of the car by myself, my limbs just froze up. I was humiliated by a nurse who treated me like a useless drug addict, ripping off my shirt, etc. I felt horrible, not really thinking I was an addict, it was a prescribed medicine I was out of at the time, but what else was I?

One result was restless leg syndrome, what I personally refer to as hell on earth. My legs felt like ants were crawling inside them, couldn’t sit still or stop trying to stretch or even pound on them to stop it. Nothing worked until an ER visit found another drug, of course, just what I needed. By the time 2013 rolled around I was on about fifteen meds for pain, kidney disease, lung problems, etc. I tried vitamin supplements also.

This is long and boring, but if you are prescribed this drug, refuse it. It’s not worth it. Easy to say I know, I’ve been there. As a result of all this, my legs won’t hold me up, my back continues to deteriorate and I can only take Tylenol if I have pain. I have to include mind over matter, no choice.

My salvation was not being able to have a close doctor to prescribe Fentanyl. Rules had changed as to medical prescribing in CO. After two weeks of not finding a replacement patch, I found a new facility that treated drug addiction. I called and got an appointment the next day. This was my saving grace. I had to see a physician and psychiatrist three times a week to start. I was given a prescription for a 15mcg patch but never used it. The doctors congratulated me, thinking I had weaned myself off. As if I had a choice? I could find no doctor around me that could prescribe narcotics after the law changed. So that is how I got off Fentanyl. A grandmother addicted to pain killing drugs is not great, but my family persevered, as did my husband. I now hear a story of something I said or did during those years and it is embarrassing, since I don’t remember ever doing it.

Please, never take this drug. If you have any questions, I will answer them honestly. My email is provided in my profile.

http://beckiesmentalmess.blog/2019/10/30/working-on-us-week-21-addiction/