Fear and Loathing in Wyoming 

Paranoid. I’ll say it. I hate spiders.

It started as a child, seeing huge hairy bulks of spiders in the upper corners of the woodshed. Moved on to the time my two best friends and I were spending the night in the hay barn. One on each side of me, huddled together with a flashlight. Of course we had to shine it way up to catch sight of the crawlers up on the ceiling. Even with their close protection, I didn’t make it through till morning.

Spiders just give me the creeps. Long after they’re gone, swept away, or vacuumed, their image still chills me. In fact, I think they just pretend to die, later sneaking out of the vacuum hose, to scare again. In my 1940’s Colorado home I expected to see them. I had a cane at the time, so was always prepared to heavily thrust it upon the intruder. My husband knew if he heard me scream in the middle of the night, that I was trapped in the tiny bathroom by an eight legged creature. His vision was not great, and it still makes me laugh thinking of him on his hands and knees with toilet tissue trying to find the invader, while I had my knees under my chin on the commode! Oh, the good old days…. Actually, I lost some fear of spiders when I had to be on my own, with no rescuer in sight. Now that I am in a brand new home in Wyoming, I’ve only seen one big one, a hitchhiker from the move. 

Until yesterday. Sure, it’s the time of year when “they” like to vacation in the warmth of inside quarters, but for two years, I didn’t think I had the pleasure of their company. But yesterday…….the bathroom again! No husband to scream for, no cane, just me and the bottled bleach cleaner. The enemy was fearsome, withstanding multiple assaults of the deadly spray. But I was the relentless victor, vanquishing him at last. Just to be sure, I put a glass over  it so the fumes did him in. I know what you’re thinking…but I already admitted I’m paranoid about spiders.  

This morning I got up to see something dark, quickly moving towards the bed. Thank the gods for the wheelchair so I could move without putting my feet on the floor. A familiar shudder covered me. In order for my morning eyes to see him, he was big! Looking for a weapon, I bravely, hopefully, squashed him under a half full bottle of water. Suspiciously lifting the bottle, expecting the carpet had saved him, I looked to see if I had won, again. Yes! A handful of Kleenex wrapped around the body, and into the trash bag…..I tied it a couple of times, just to make sure. I felt triumphant, could almost picture “The Gladiator”.  

Beware, you Halloween horrors, I’m feeling stronger, braver than before. Keep out of this home, a Champion Spider Killer lives here!